Bitch, Rant, Complain...

[TLyttle]

Please don't spend much time with the hate thing, it only hurts you, and you don't need that now. Find nice people and hang with them.

When I found myself with nothing, I found that my real friends pitched in and helped where they could: furniture, linens, food, nights out, anything they could. The only way out of this will be with the help of your friends. Please count us among your friends, Lisa, we are here for you...

[SIPNGAS]

Originally Posted by TLyttle

Please don't spend much time with the hate thing, it only hurts you, and you don't need that now. Find nice people and hang with them.

When I found myself with nothing, I found that my real friends pitched in and helped where they could: furniture, linens, food, nights out, anything they could. The only way out of this will be with the help of your friends. Please count us among your friends, Lisa, we are here for you...

I am so fortunate.

Really and I don't know what to say but thank you...

[PreciousPups4U]

Lisa, I walked away the first time. Left him the house and pretty much everything. I had a 5 year old and was 7 months pregnant. Could not have another child with that man. Would have been wrong for me and the girls. I have never regretted it, well except for not leaving sooner, but then I wouldn't have my youngest. I know the girls think I made the right decision as well. They turned out really well so I guess I did OK.

Keep your chin up, all we can do is the best we can do. Lean on your friends and family.

[GeneW]

Originally Posted by SIPNGAS

I didn't want to but I am so hating my soon-to-be ex right now. He's poised to take EVERYTHING that *I've* worked so hard for. And when I say everything, I mean the entire house full of furniture. He was living at home with Mom and Dad when we got married...moved in with nothing but his computer and a dresser and now he wants the entire living room, the bedroom, and the kitchen set and MY computer. He's not working and wants ME to pay ALL his bills and looks as though he's going to get his way. I am SO FED UP I am just ready to hand it all over and be done. I am seriously at the end of my rope and can't take much more.

Sorry, didn't mean to vent but nobody here wants to listen. You guys can choose to read or not. I'm usually pretty good at holding myself together but I can't do this.

Don't mean to be skeptical but you got more fight left in you. You gotta do it for yourself. If you don't stand up for yourself now years from now you'll regret it. Take it from me - nothing fuels regret like failing to stand up for yourself at the right moment.

It's not like you have to resolve it "here and now". You need to talk to your lawyer and see if you really owe him anything. This is a marathon and not a sprint, so pace yourself, take it easy and think things out carefully.

I take it that you have a lawyer? If not, why not? Why does he have all of the marbles? What is so special about this clown?

You're working and he isn't working? You got the power in this situation. You're the one with the steady income. You're the one who can pay a lawyer to stall him, make him wait and sweat, until his lack of money makes him take a better deal.

Dirty? Is it dirty to do what he did to you? Why do you owe him consideration at this point in time? Isn't he just giving you a last kick in the pants before he splits with you? Why give the creep the satisfaction?


If the "man" had any self respect he wouldn't ask for everything, he'd be fair minded about it. He'd get himself a temp job at the very least, not demand that his soon to be former spouse support him and give him the furniture.

The furniture!! What's he gonna do with furniture? Buy another house and make your pay for it? Rent a place and make your pay for it? Sell it off maybe?

If your lawyer ain't doing their job sack them. Get a second opinion - a lot of attorneys will give a free consult for the first half an hour. See what your legal options are in the state where you reside. You'd be surprised what you can negotiate if you're ready to walk away from the table.

Remember, Lisa, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Don't dash and don't expect to settle this any time soon. Be ready to stall, maneuver and move about until his lack of income wears him down.

Otherwise, you can take the easy way out, a way that isn't so easy in the long term, years from now, when you tell yourself, "I could have hacked it" and "I should have made him earn a living".

The economy? I still get phone calls for Contractor work, years after I quit looking. I get a mailing from Monster.com three times a week. There is work out here, it's not the greatest work, the hours aren't the best nor the pay, but it's enough to live on.

He has no excuses.... and if he has "problems" why are they your problems? Did you ruin his life? Did you hurt him? What do you owe him? He's the one who wasn't faithful, right? He's the one who stabbed you in the back, right? Why does he deserve a last insult after all of the injury?

Get your self respect back. Don't give him the satisfaction. Make up your mind to fight for what's yours and then go for it.

Gene

[GeneW]

Originally Posted by SIPNGAS

All of you, really. Thank you SO much. I can't possibly let anyone know how much your compassion means to me. Anybody who says an online community isn't REAL just has no clue.

I know I'll be OK...maybe with a house absent of furniture and for a while and things at this moment just seem so hopeless...but if it's THINGS that will make him happy, he can have them. Life just isn't about THINGS.

Why does his happiness matter? What about your happiness?

Things do matter. With things we can accomplish tasks and meet goals. I say let him have half of the things. If he's playing games because he wants half of the house make a counter offer - sure he can have half of the house - after you sell it. In this housing market lots of luck.

I may sound "heartless" but my compassion is short for people who play dirty tricks on other folks. I have been an instrument of Karma, and I will be again.

Gene

[TLyttle]

What Gene said, particularly about selling the house; they can't force you to sell your own house, at least not up here. Also, it is YOUR happiness that matters here in Yaris Land!

[GeneW]

Originally Posted by TLyttle

What Gene said, particularly about selling the house; they can't force you to sell your own house, at least not up here. Also, it is YOUR happiness that matters here in Yaris Land!

Wouldn't matter if the law allowed it or not, with tons of homes up for sale right now - a lot of them at "distress" prices - nobody is moving homes too fast for decent prices.

Lisa is holding the cards - she has a job, she has the kids (if she's got them), and she has a system which is engineered to beat "deadbeats".

All she has to do is hammer the boy until he sees the light, takes his fair share minus lawyer fees and then takes a hike.

Gene

[GeneW]

Quick story....

I have a cousin, she's a couple of years younger than I. She had a "female" condition that demanded she have kids early because eventually she'd have to get a hysterectomy. Most of her life she'd fall in love with losers who would abuse her, but as she grew older she got more particular.

Her biggest thing was being a Mom. Everything else came after that.

After she got her BS in Nursing she married a Marine Aviator. Looked like Ollie North, polite, cordial. His old man was Career Marine and a standup guy. Figured that the kid would turn out the same way.

They got married, bought a big assed house off base, had a little boy. A year later they had a little girl. While she was recovering from the damage of childbirth (she's only 4' 11") he pops off in his fighter plane to see his girlfriend.

My cousin gets wind of it. Takes him out. She turned him in to his CO, who tossed him out of the Corps. He stalks her for a time, and tried to get support. Her lawyer smashed him like a roach in court and he vanished. I've heard that his kids don't know their biological father and could not care less to meet him.

She then was stuck with a monthly Mortgage of $2,300 a month (back in the 1990s) and two toddlers. Tough times but she made it.

She went through another loser before she found a standup guy. He adopted the two kids, they had another together. She's happy today.

You gotta go for what you want in life and be patient.

Gene

[hatchbackkid82]

I have this co-worker that is always complaining about how she's single and she wants to meet someone. i've been hearing this since i started back here in january. At first i would be a good co-worker and actually hear her out. Now it's just old. SHUT UP!!! i don't want to hear it. I will never understand how some people's happiness is dependent on if they are dating someone. Grow up life is not a freakin' disney movie. Stop sitting around on your a** waiting for prince charming to come around. Go out have fun and enjoy being single. IT'S FUN!!! May get lonely at times. But i'd rather be alone than be with a scorpion woman. I really get tired of hearing that sad sappy crap, a man can only take so much. I hear it start and i just walk out, get some confidence, stop worrying about other people, focus on you. you will not die if you do not meet someone. It WILL be ok. Just let things happen naturally. When you force it, bad things happen. Sorry if i came off like a-hole people. I guess hearing her is the the straw that broke the camels back. Stressful day

[KCALB SIRAY]

Originally Posted by hatchbackkid82

I have this co-worker that is always complaining about how she's single and she wants to meet someone. i've been hearing this since i started back here in january. At first i would be a good co-worker and actually hear her out. Now it's just old. SHUT UP!!! i don't want to hear it. I will never understand how some people's happiness is dependent on if they are dating someone. Grow up life is not a freakin' disney movie. Stop sitting around on your a** waiting for prince charming to come around. Go out have fun and enjoy being single. IT'S FUN!!! May get lonely at times. But i'd rather be alone than be with a scorpion woman. I really get tired of hearing that sad sappy crap, a man can only take so much. I hear it start and i just walk out, get some confidence, stop worrying about other people, focus on you. you will not die if you do not meet someone. It WILL be ok. Just let things happen naturally. When you force it, bad things happen. Sorry if i came off like a-hole people. I guess hearing her is the the straw that broke the camels back. Stressful day

Co-worker, meet little Herb....he likes you

[KCALB SIRAY]

I go out to pay my mortgage during lunch time. Get to the bank, pull out "cash", for a payment and a half. Hand it to the teller and give them my mortgage account number. The teller says to me, we can't make the payment. Why, you might ask? Because it's not a complete payment, they don't take partial payments. WTF, my head cocks to the side and looks oddly at them. I'm trying to give them more money that they are asking for and they can't take the money I owe them, basically their money, lol. Long story short, they won't take partial payements even though I was giving more. If you have Well Fargo or Wachovia, I'd suggest a refi. with someone else. The oddest thing I have ever delt with in banking.

[Altitude]

Originally Posted by KCALB SIRAY

I go out to pay my mortgage during lunch time. Get to the bank, pull out "cash", for a payment and a half. Hand it to the teller and give them my mortgage account number. The teller says to me, we can't make the payment. Why, you might ask? Because it's not a complete payment, they don't take partial payments. WTF, my head cocks to the side and looks oddly at them. I'm trying to give them more money that they are asking for and they can't take the money I owe them, basically their money, lol. Long story short, they won't take partial payements even though I was giving more. If you have Well Fargo or Wachovia, I'd suggest a refi. with someone else. The oddest thing I have ever delt with in banking.

I don't know of any mortgage company that takes partial payments. Any excess is usually designated as "principle only" and doesn't get applied to your payment cycle but instead reduces the principle balance.

Was your intention to make a principle payment or pay half of next months mortgage?

[KCALB SIRAY]

Originally Posted by Altitude

I don't know of any mortgage company that takes partial payments. Any excess is usually designated as "principle only" and doesn't get applied to your payment cycle but instead reduces the principle balance.

Was your intention to make a principle payment or pay half of next months mortgage?

it would have gone to the principle

[Bob Dog]

I never heard that one, I've never had any kind of a loan that I couldn't pay as much as I wanted when ever I wanted or at least as much as I wanted once a month. Looks like they are trying to max the amount of interest there collecting. Might be as my grandfather used to say "shenanigans". We used to have a name for one of those banks when they were only in North Carolina: Walk over ya.

[Altitude]

Originally Posted by Bob Dog

I never heard that one, I've never had any kind of a loan that I couldn't pay as much as I wanted when ever I wanted or at least as much as I wanted once a month. Looks like they are trying to max the amount of interest there collecting. Might be as my grandfather used to say "shenanigans". We used to have a name for one of those banks when they were only in North Carolina: Walk over ya.

Firstly I should correct my use of the word - the proper term is principal.

Anyhow, I'm not sure what the deal was with KCLAB's situation because if he had specified to apply the additional amount to the principal it should have been done. Even if you pay extra principal each month you still have to make a full payment the following month.

Mortgages are a little more complicated than other loans since most of them contain escrow, insurance etc. and the bank has no easy way to break additional amounts down and apply it correctly. However, applying any additional funds to the principal is easy and actually lowers the amount of interest you pay over time.

Perhaps KCALB just got a new teller that didn't understand what he was asking to be done.

[Bob Dog]

I have had dealing Wachovia that have been troublesome and less than upright. My appearance is that of a long haired country boy, but I have a very quiet year degree in Business Administration from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. The dissemblence (sp?) an informed person catches banks trying to engage in when he looks uninformed are amazing. Application of money to principal is usually an easy and direct process, so much so that any additional sum is in most cases assumed to be intended that purpose. Perhaps an uniformed teller, perhaps a well informed teller.

[tomato]

!$@#@#!%@!@ !!!!!!!
I keep getting disconnected today!!!
Arrrrrhghhhhhhh!!!

(yes, I feel better now)

[Bob Dog]

been there, done that, sympathy! 15th century art is pretty cool though